Los Ninos

So everyday for the past few weeks I have found myself teaching in the classroom for either middle school, high school or continuation school students. Of course, I am substitute teaching, so there is a very different mindset from the students when they walk into class and don't see their regular teacher around. I remember the feeling and the thoughts when I would turn the corner, look into class and see a sub standing their looking a like seal about to be thrown into a shark tank. We would eat them alive. Now I am the seal and it is a unique experience.

Janny and I are both doing this as more or less an experiment. We are both considering going back to get a teaching credential/master degree, but thought this would give us a good picture of what teaching might be like. I don't think it's that great a sample because of the seal/shark dynamic that exists, but it has allowed me to wrestle with the stories of these students. As I have mentioned in detail in previous posts, Jan and I are on a mission to use all of our energy towards BEING the church and avoiding the temptation to use our energy to "put on" church once or twice a week as we have often felt obligated to do. With that mentality, I can't help but think of the stories that lie behind everyone one of these insecure, hyper active and attention seeking teenagers. This is new territory for me and it puts me out of my comfort zone, which is leading/forcing me to some new insights that I had never wrestled with before.

Between earning the students attention, sending some to the participle's office, dodging paper airplanes and sometimes wanting to run out of the room screaming, I am trying to keep in mind their stories. As I have some conversation with them, I am blown away by what they have endured and are currently enduring. Majority with broken homes, many with learning disabilities that they are too fearful to acknowledge, constant verbal abuse and all with a hopeless yearning for popularity and acceptance. Although I often receive my 6am phone call assignment with a poor attitude, I know I am in a place to live out Jesus and be the Church in more ways that I often think I am capable. I'm on a mission, but it is a lot harder and not near as pretty as I had originally imagined.

quality fellas

The past month or so has been a pretty tough one for me. While I have great peace about our recent decisions that have us living in Santa Cruz, teaching in the public school classroom everyday and working intentionally towards living out "the Church" to the community around us, I have been going through a rather brutal detox from past life/church/school rhythms. My tendency is to try to stifle or ignore my depressed thoughts, but I'm finding that a symptom of the very system I'm am trying to recover from. It is amazing the new, fresh, difficult, angering and very enlightening perspective I am gaining when I embrace the realities of my past and present through these eyes. Very important.

With that being said, this past weekend I had two of my best buddies in town for a few hours each. Between rich conversation with Ryan Mcrae on Saturday and my long time mentor Chip Johnson on Sunday, I came out very encouraged and hopeful. Not hopeful in a "well that was an insightful month of detox and now it's time to move on" kind of way. But a hope that is centered in embracing and growing in and through these uncomfortable and vocationally confused times. For me, it is in these times of wrestling through the good and bad with those that are closest to me, that the Kingdom of God is more visible and present than ever.

Thanks fellas...jonny