Not Quite a Master...But Definitely a Father!

Oh man, it has been a LONG time since I have dabbled in the blogosphere. Not that I haven't wanted to keep this updated (although I honestly haven't had much desire), it is that most every waking hour I now have my nose in one of the books in the picture. It is a ton of work, but SWEET! First time in my life that I have been totally over my head in school work, but loving (almost!) every minute of it.

So, with the confusingly endless support of my wife, I am now working at my Master's full time at Fuller Theological Seminary. Between memorizing Hebrew, reading way more books than I will probably finish and some really good conversations, I am also working as a permanent, part time Adult Education Teacher. It is pretty much the best job I could have dreamed of for this stage of life. Very much engaging with students I am honored to know, while having almost ZERO discipline issues and leaving myself time most every afternoon to study/prepare for my evening and weekend classes at Fuller. More on that later...

What makes my wife's support even more confusingly endless is the fact that we are..........pregnant!! Yep, that is the big news. We have been passing the word slowly(forgive me if this is the first time you have heard this) as Janny just entered her 5th month. In fact, we went for a check up with our midwife last week and got to hear the heartbeat. I'm pretty sure my heartbeat about stopped when I heard that little one ticking along. So excited! We are looking forward to taking it along with us in the wild "life's" ride we have chosen. May not be a wealthy or "normal" life, but it is going to experience all kinds of cultures, ways of life and LOTS of love as we do our best to live out the Kingdom of God. I don't think it knows what it's in for. Of course, neither do we!

Loud Silence

I went away for 24 hours a couple weeks ago with some close friends to spend an extended time in prayer, silence and fasting. Needed to do some listening. Good time. Actually, it was a great time. Something stuck out to me though, as we backpacked a few miles over pretty rough terrain to find a secluded place to camp for the night.

Before we started walking down the trail, we made the commitment to walk in silence in an effort to be fully present and open to simply exist in that time and place. It was awesome, but weird. Don't know if you have ever spent an hour walking within 5 feet of close friends without ever saying a word to each other. Strange. Then my mind kicks in. As I walk, I'm not distracted by stimulating conversation, so I am left with my own thoughts. Good, but distracting in and of themselves.

Instead of soaking in the sounds of the wind, birds and critters that envelop me in this surreal slice of God's Creation, what am I thinking about??! Yep, how freaking hot it is outside and that I should have carried a sheet instead of a huge sleeping back in my backpack. I continue by picturing how great it is going to be when we finally get to our destination, take off our shoes, sit in a lawn chair and have some conversation. It becomes all about "then" and nothing about "now."

Somehow in my mind's frantic dialog, I was able to stumble upon some redeeming insight while still out on the trail. How often do I live for the "ideal" or "dream" of the future and miss out of the dream of today? Does God only speak to me or use me in powerful ways when I finally get "there" or is he fully expecting me to be present and participate now? Man...I feel as though I have had this wrist slapping insight SO many times, but I keep coming back to it. A life lived to the full is not about waiting/preparing for the future. It is about being fully present in the now.

As I wrestled with this on the trail, I began to have the eyes to see the Life of Creation inhaling and exhaling through the wind blowing through the trees. Creation was alive, connected, moving forward and I was standing right in the middle of it, while being invited to be part of the action.

I write this on a Sunday night gearing up for another week teaching History at a continuation High School. Tough kids, with unreal stories. It is easy for me to already be dreaming of Friday afternoon when the bell rings. That is a sin. God, please allow me to soak in and live out your Dream when that bell rings tomorrow morning and every moment that follows.

Which Dream??

Janny and I getting awful "NASCAR" for the night up at Mt. Hermon

About a year ago Janny and I had some unsettling stuff going on in our souls. Hard to discern, but strong enough to know we needed to do some good 'ol fashion soul searchin'. Did I just use two slang apostrophe's in that sentence? Odd. Anywho, I am pretty sure the unsettlin' stuff was God's Dream knocking on our soul's imagination.

Now, we have not mastered living out God's Dream by any stretch of the imagination, but it seems that every time we do take some strides in that direction it doesn't look anything like the American Dream.

God's Dream is REALLY hard to explain. It doesn't seem to fit inside the 2 sentence allotment given at the beginning of a conversation. For example, my life in two sentences: "Married, with dog and living in a one bedroom house in Santa Cruz and not going to a church. Recently turned down full time employment, with benefits, to substitute teach, finish writing a book and go to a (REALLY) expensive grad school to study theology(VERY practical)." Not too "Dreamy" maybe? Even embarrassing to say at times??

If given a few more sentences I would say: "Janny and I have never felt more connected to each other, God and those around us than we have since we started listening/living towards God's Dream He has put on our souls. For us, living out that Dream hasn't allowed us to live the "practical/secure" lives that are so tempting, but has FREED us to live out the practical/secure vision of Jesus in our lives. We love sharing our home and conversation with close friends/neighbors, we were super blessed to have experienced life with our friends at Mt. Hermon this summer and we are completely open to participating in the Kingdom of God whatever that may look like. For now that involves teaching high school history for a few months before starting my Master's in Theology full time at Fuller Seminary, while considering initiating the gathering of the church on our patio for a meal, conversation and shared commitment. These are the things that make our heart beat really fast and in pursuing that, the bills have been paid. Apparently God takes care of His children, so it has been sweet since I stopped worrying so much about that. It's super scary, but super fun."

I am hoping this is a slice of God's Dream being played out in our lives...it sure feels like it is!!

Living out the unexpected

I wasn't really interested in taking a job at Mount Hermon. Jan and I had just stepped away from institutional Christianity after leaving our Youth Pastor post and were fully enjoying living out the church in the everyday. A freedom and connection we have never experienced as a couple or in our connection with God. We were very grateful for our past experiences/relationships that were formed from our past church contexts, but quite content with living out a new reality. After a couple emails from respected friends who thought the Staff Pastor position at Mount Hermon would be a good fit, I dragged myself (more or less to appease my friends and my curiosity) into an interview that changed everything.

It was MUCH more a conversation than an interview, between myself and would-be boss Danny Wallen. After a couple hours of mutual sharing, there was very little doubt that I would be spending my summer in this role. With the role revolving around teaching and shepherding of the summer staff, I couldn't have imagined a better fit. Little did I know that the highlight would soon become the lifelong relationships that Janny and I have been able to establish.

We have been blown away by the transparency and shared stages of life that we have encountered. I can honestly say that it was one of the last places I would expect to come into connection with so many Jesus followers who were/are asking hard questions about what it looks like to live out the church. As is often the case, Janny and I feel as though the mutual sharing of our stories, between us as the rest of the staff, has done more "ministering" to us than we have "ministered" to them.

It is now coming to the end of summer and the farewells are bearing down on us, but it is with more anticipation at what God is doing than in reflection of what He has done. We are sad and excited to see one of our closest couple friends, Jesse and Katie Rice(check out his new book! http://www.amazon.com/Church-Facebook-Generation-Redefining-Community/dp/1434765342/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1249685122&sr=8-1) move up to Portland, but their VERY similar story to ours has been incredible to share in this summer.

I have alot more to write (mainly because I am so bad at updating this thing), but I will stop for now and put in some pics from the past few weeks of Huckins' festivity!



Our Family in Capitola



My Good Buddy Allen and I Conquered the Mighty Wharf to Wharf



Some of the Mount Hermon Staff at our Dirty Convicts game on the Boardwalk

Matrimony and Stuff

I've never loved the wedding idea. I mean, I wasn't anti-wedding or anything, but never did I count down the days towards the next ceremony. As seems to be a common occurrence at this stage of our lives, Janny and I have been involved in a bunch of weddings this summer. In fact, I have even had the opportunity to officiate a friends' wedding this summer and am in the same role in another one in a couple weeks. With nuptials surrounding me like like the Redwoods I was sitting under on Monday, I can't help but feel a little love for the wedding.

Our wedding was sweet. Sweet like cool or killer or fun. Probably sweet like cotton candy too, but I don't really like cotton candy. It was a big ol' lunker of a party. Unfortunately there wasn't any tasty brews on tap(other than punch), but it was a good time. I remember standing at the front of the aisle waiting for my bride to come towards me. I'm not much of a crier(I'm trying to get better at that!), but I was sobbing my eyes out. At first reflection, I think it was because I was so overwhelmed with love for Janny(or just ALOT of sexual tension). The more I think about it, I believe I WAS overwhelmed with love for Janny...as I still am today. But I was also overwhelmed by the love and support of all the people that were there. We are in our fifth year for marriage now and I realize more than ever that those folks weren't just there to partner with us in our wedding ceremony. They were acknowledging their partnership with us in our marriage...in the everyday, for the rest of our days.

That's what a wedding is right? It is a celebration not of one day, but of all the dynamic days ahead. It makes the wedding celebration alot more sweet when approached with this mentality. I love partnering with my friends in their marriage like I have had the opportunity to do lately. It is the celebration of selflessness, oneness, friendship, etc...So, instead of getting bummed out about how much money we spend on weddings and how much time/energy goes into them, I am loving just jumping in and celebrating all that is going on. There is something sacred and I would be missing out if I wasn't aware of that.

Cheers!!

Fenway, Beaches and Redwoods

I have had a lot going on in the past month or so. Much of it has been really great stuff that has involved quality community, new experiences/locations and just a little bit of chaos. With that said, I haven't had much motivation to write(blog) for some reason...Maybe so much to process I didn't know where to start.

In the past month I was able to go to a family reunion in Kentucky, celebrate my birthday with the fam, go to Janny's graduation in Connecticut, walk the streets of Boston, go down to the San Luis Obispo area to spend some time with my family and spend lots of time in contemplation under the cover of our Santa Cruz Redwoods. Here are a few pics:












In the midst of all the travel, I finished up my time teaching science at the local middle school and started in my Staff Pastor position at Mt. Hermon. The jobs overlapped for about a week, which was absolutely nutso, but both employers offered alot of grace. I am now about a month into my position at Mt. Hermon and both Janny and I are embracing/being embraced by some quality community. I will have some more coming on that soon.

For now, while this travel and different work contexts can be exhausting at times, I am finding that these dynamics/settings are some of the most real and rich for me to experience God. I am wired to see God most clearly when I am in the humble posture of a student, which is the posture that is required of me in travel and transition. I want to work through and live out that realization some more...hmmm.

What are you doing??

More than any other time in my life, I get asked the question, "What are you doing these days." I don't blame anyone that asks that question, because in large part, I have intentionally fallen off the grid of most of my past involvements. I am no longer a youth pastor, Janny and I moved up to Santa Cruz, we don't "attend" a church, etc...With that being said, I thought I would offer a bit of a personal update for anyone who may be interested.

As you may know based on previous posts and/or personal conversations, I have been trying to move forward in a posture of humility and awareness of my God designed soul more than ever before. Hard to quantify what that may look like and their isn't much language to describe its details, but I think that's what I'm finding makes it so divine. I am beginning to discover what contexts burn the heck out of me and lead towards oppression/depression and am being open to ones that seem more in line with how/what I was created be.

I committed this Spring semester to be a living experiment. I have left the "known" for the "unknown" to some degree. After resigning from Harbor Chapel in January, I had opportunity to jump into other Youth Pastor positions that probably would have afforded me more security in terms of finances and reputation, but I knew that it was not the spot for me at this stage of my life. Instead, I committed the semester to being a substitute teacher and high school golf coach, while at the same time applying for local non-profit jobs in Santa Cruz that might fit my interests. My good friend and LONG time sub, Steve Boutry, offered the profound insight that "substitute teaching is like earning a Master's Degree in human nature." Well put. It is NOT glamorous, often inconsistent and when people ask what I'm doing it isn't rare to be looked at like I've gone off the deep end.

A couple months into teaching the different class everyday gig, I was offered a Long Term position teaching 7/8th grade science at a local Middle School until the end of the school year. Although science is by far my weakest subject, I figured for the sake of getting the most accurate data for my experiment, I had better take it(like my scientific language??). It has been terrible, awesome, overwhelming and incredibly insightful all at once. Not to my surprise, I enjoy the lunch break conversations with the kids that wander into my class WAY more than the discipline, grading and parent stuff that frequents most elements of the position. I also took on the Head Golf coach position at a local high school this spring. It was a great experience as a whole, other than the REALLY long days and endless driving. I built some solid relationships and we actually played much better than expected.

As this phase of the experiment comes to a close, I'm fairly certain it has served its purpose as giving me a realistic look at the life of a public school teacher. It is a great place to live out the church and invite others towards God's story through my life, but I'm not sure whether it is the context I'm going to commit to 100% at this point.

While somewhat hesitant at first, I am now very excited about my next "experiment." I was recently offered and have now accepted the position of Summer Staff Pastor at Mt. Hermon this summer. I had already committed to speak a couple weeks up there as I have done in recent years, but will now be on as a full time staff through the end of the summer months. I am a pastor to the staff and will be doing almost 100% the things I am most passionate about; teaching and shepherding/listening/counseling. While hesitant to get back into an "institutional" setting, I have found my responsibilities won't involve what has disenchanted me so much in the past. Of course, it will be a challenge at times, but I am hopeful it will be healing and that I will be an active participant in living out and inviting others towards a life lived in the Kingdom. We will see!