Loud Silence

I went away for 24 hours a couple weeks ago with some close friends to spend an extended time in prayer, silence and fasting. Needed to do some listening. Good time. Actually, it was a great time. Something stuck out to me though, as we backpacked a few miles over pretty rough terrain to find a secluded place to camp for the night.

Before we started walking down the trail, we made the commitment to walk in silence in an effort to be fully present and open to simply exist in that time and place. It was awesome, but weird. Don't know if you have ever spent an hour walking within 5 feet of close friends without ever saying a word to each other. Strange. Then my mind kicks in. As I walk, I'm not distracted by stimulating conversation, so I am left with my own thoughts. Good, but distracting in and of themselves.

Instead of soaking in the sounds of the wind, birds and critters that envelop me in this surreal slice of God's Creation, what am I thinking about??! Yep, how freaking hot it is outside and that I should have carried a sheet instead of a huge sleeping back in my backpack. I continue by picturing how great it is going to be when we finally get to our destination, take off our shoes, sit in a lawn chair and have some conversation. It becomes all about "then" and nothing about "now."

Somehow in my mind's frantic dialog, I was able to stumble upon some redeeming insight while still out on the trail. How often do I live for the "ideal" or "dream" of the future and miss out of the dream of today? Does God only speak to me or use me in powerful ways when I finally get "there" or is he fully expecting me to be present and participate now? Man...I feel as though I have had this wrist slapping insight SO many times, but I keep coming back to it. A life lived to the full is not about waiting/preparing for the future. It is about being fully present in the now.

As I wrestled with this on the trail, I began to have the eyes to see the Life of Creation inhaling and exhaling through the wind blowing through the trees. Creation was alive, connected, moving forward and I was standing right in the middle of it, while being invited to be part of the action.

I write this on a Sunday night gearing up for another week teaching History at a continuation High School. Tough kids, with unreal stories. It is easy for me to already be dreaming of Friday afternoon when the bell rings. That is a sin. God, please allow me to soak in and live out your Dream when that bell rings tomorrow morning and every moment that follows.

Which Dream??

Janny and I getting awful "NASCAR" for the night up at Mt. Hermon

About a year ago Janny and I had some unsettling stuff going on in our souls. Hard to discern, but strong enough to know we needed to do some good 'ol fashion soul searchin'. Did I just use two slang apostrophe's in that sentence? Odd. Anywho, I am pretty sure the unsettlin' stuff was God's Dream knocking on our soul's imagination.

Now, we have not mastered living out God's Dream by any stretch of the imagination, but it seems that every time we do take some strides in that direction it doesn't look anything like the American Dream.

God's Dream is REALLY hard to explain. It doesn't seem to fit inside the 2 sentence allotment given at the beginning of a conversation. For example, my life in two sentences: "Married, with dog and living in a one bedroom house in Santa Cruz and not going to a church. Recently turned down full time employment, with benefits, to substitute teach, finish writing a book and go to a (REALLY) expensive grad school to study theology(VERY practical)." Not too "Dreamy" maybe? Even embarrassing to say at times??

If given a few more sentences I would say: "Janny and I have never felt more connected to each other, God and those around us than we have since we started listening/living towards God's Dream He has put on our souls. For us, living out that Dream hasn't allowed us to live the "practical/secure" lives that are so tempting, but has FREED us to live out the practical/secure vision of Jesus in our lives. We love sharing our home and conversation with close friends/neighbors, we were super blessed to have experienced life with our friends at Mt. Hermon this summer and we are completely open to participating in the Kingdom of God whatever that may look like. For now that involves teaching high school history for a few months before starting my Master's in Theology full time at Fuller Seminary, while considering initiating the gathering of the church on our patio for a meal, conversation and shared commitment. These are the things that make our heart beat really fast and in pursuing that, the bills have been paid. Apparently God takes care of His children, so it has been sweet since I stopped worrying so much about that. It's super scary, but super fun."

I am hoping this is a slice of God's Dream being played out in our lives...it sure feels like it is!!

Living out the unexpected

I wasn't really interested in taking a job at Mount Hermon. Jan and I had just stepped away from institutional Christianity after leaving our Youth Pastor post and were fully enjoying living out the church in the everyday. A freedom and connection we have never experienced as a couple or in our connection with God. We were very grateful for our past experiences/relationships that were formed from our past church contexts, but quite content with living out a new reality. After a couple emails from respected friends who thought the Staff Pastor position at Mount Hermon would be a good fit, I dragged myself (more or less to appease my friends and my curiosity) into an interview that changed everything.

It was MUCH more a conversation than an interview, between myself and would-be boss Danny Wallen. After a couple hours of mutual sharing, there was very little doubt that I would be spending my summer in this role. With the role revolving around teaching and shepherding of the summer staff, I couldn't have imagined a better fit. Little did I know that the highlight would soon become the lifelong relationships that Janny and I have been able to establish.

We have been blown away by the transparency and shared stages of life that we have encountered. I can honestly say that it was one of the last places I would expect to come into connection with so many Jesus followers who were/are asking hard questions about what it looks like to live out the church. As is often the case, Janny and I feel as though the mutual sharing of our stories, between us as the rest of the staff, has done more "ministering" to us than we have "ministered" to them.

It is now coming to the end of summer and the farewells are bearing down on us, but it is with more anticipation at what God is doing than in reflection of what He has done. We are sad and excited to see one of our closest couple friends, Jesse and Katie Rice(check out his new book! http://www.amazon.com/Church-Facebook-Generation-Redefining-Community/dp/1434765342/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1249685122&sr=8-1) move up to Portland, but their VERY similar story to ours has been incredible to share in this summer.

I have alot more to write (mainly because I am so bad at updating this thing), but I will stop for now and put in some pics from the past few weeks of Huckins' festivity!



Our Family in Capitola



My Good Buddy Allen and I Conquered the Mighty Wharf to Wharf



Some of the Mount Hermon Staff at our Dirty Convicts game on the Boardwalk